A graduate's ginky goodbye

This is the end, for serious this time

By: John Sieglaff

Posted: 4/23/09

Well, I'm graduating. That's right-this is the last time you'll have to read me and my stupid jokes in the Fun House section of The Mirror. I hope you're all as excited as I am.

To be completely honest with myself, as well as you, faithful reader, I can't believe this is finally happening!

Honestly! I'm astounded that I ever made it this far. I feel like acting the way those crazies do on "The Price is Right" when the voice of the late Rod Roddy calls the contestant's names. You remember, back in the days of Barker.

But old, burnt-out game shows are neither here nor there, so on with my feelings toward graduation. Perhaps I can convey my emotions best through the inspirational words of the great Billy Madison:
"Well, what can I say-I graduated. It's over. I did it. I know most of you are saying, 'Hey, any idiot could do that.'…Well, it was tough for me, so BACK OFF!"

I suppose the reason I feel the need to defend myself so assertively is because-Damn! College IS TOUGH! Of course, Mr. Madison was speaking in regards to his high school graduation, as the story goes; but once again, neither game shows nor Billy Madison are either here or there.

As I look back on all the literal piles of work through which my college career has suffered me, I shudder, and cringe, and, yes…I cry a little. Softly.

But the work wasn't all so bad. In fact, I'd say that the best lesson college has taught me is that nothing is free, and that the real, genuine sweat equity put into labor, establishes the value behind the labor's production.

I guess that's why I get a lot of Cs.
But now that the end is so near, I'm beginning to discover with what tranquil release I have liberated myself and made peace with all that had once aggravated me so much about college life, which consisted of all the reading, all the writing, and all the…well…all the work!

As I reminisce of my college experience, I think my workload was always my biggest complaint. Besides that, college was a blast!

In fact, now that my time is just about done, I'm beginning to feel a bit institutionalized like the old librarian inmate, Brooks, from "The Shawshank Redemption." Sometimes my confidence fails me and I think as Brooks did, that maybe I'm not ready to enter the "real world" just yet.
Actually-scratch that-I'm certain I'm not ready!

But don't worry. Just because I don't have any jobs lined up after college, no plans to fulfill, and-outside of skydiving and mastering the fine art of whaling-no real goals to conquer, it doesn't mean I'll share the same fate as Brooks.

It is my ambition to realize goals like these, which I intend to sprinkle about my life, allowing small adventures to take me wherever they may. And if those endeavors take me back to my parents' house where I can mooch from my folks and stay for as long as I like, so be it.

I guess you could say it's my plan to have no plan.

See, I don't feel the need to map out my life from here 'til judgment day; I want to live a much more organic life with a much more windblown style. And I'll still wear my kilts with pride. If executed correctly, I'll never worry or prepare for any potential prospects for the rest of my life.

As of right now, I'm doing pretty well at sticking to "the plan." The only thing that I HAVE prepared myself for is graduation-and that's only because the college made me order my tassel and mortarboard in advance.

In any case, don't let what I've said paint an incorrect picture. I wouldn't actually feel perfectly fine just going back to live at home until one day when I'm old and married, yelling at my children wo are running rampant around my parents' house and I finally say to myself,
"You know, Sieglaff…I think it's time you hit the ol' dusty trail."

As little as I care about my prospects, I am confident that I'll be at least mildly successful in whatever it is I end up doing, be it the skillful call of architecture or the desperate crawl to clean toilets at a truck stop.

In the meantime, until graduation day, I don't plan on organizing or preparing for any career opportunities for my future. I've got to take things one step at a time, live each moment of life to its fullest capacity.

That way everything you do is sure to be a work of art. Hopefully, that showed in this column. If it did, don't stop laughing.
If not, what do I care? I'm outta here.
Goodbye.