2008 Woodie Awards
Hanging with the moose
A dome for Lakeland
Jim Kolodzinksi
Issue date: 10/10/02 Section: Features
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I was walking back to my room the other day—when we had that really strong wind—and I had to listen to some of the freshmen complaining about it. I couldn't help but think that nobody who's been here last year is complaining about the weather.
For all the Lakeland veterans out there, I would like to apologize for wasting your time right now. What I am about to say really is just one big "Duh!" but the freshmen don't know, and I really want to help them out here. Anyway, there's one little problem with the campus, well, more than one, but we'll just focus on the weather patterns. Many of our students have opinions on why the weather here is so awful. Some of them just shrug their shoulders and say, "Hey, this is Wisconsin. Don't like the weather? Wait fifteen minutes." There are those who say it's a lack of trees on campus, some of them are environmentalists, but a few Republicans think that too. (Really, they do. I'm not making this up.)
Of course, we have the conspiracy theorists, and they insist that there are giant wind fans hidden in the woods. I don't believe this, since literally dozens of people walk in the woods every year, and there have been no reports of twenty-foot tall, aluminum-framed, woodland-pattern camouflaged fans out there.
So with this understanding that Lakeland can get windy sometimes all you freshmen might think that this sucks. It doesn't. Wait until January. We'll get the same winds, but with snow and ice too.
This brings up a plan of action that was discussed by a number of students last year. It's time for Lakeland to join the elite of the elite. I am talking about a retractable dome. Besides allowing the sun to shine in good weather while protecting the campus from bad weather, the retractable dome will bring status to Lakeland, and increase the revenues of the campus. Who wouldn't want to join a college that prevents you from having to walk in waist-deep snow?
Think of the dome from an artistic standpoint. The architects would love to compete for the design of this dome. Lakeland could really impress all the other schools, which will fall behind us in such important areas such as having pretzel vendors in all the classrooms and charging $6.00 for a 12-ounce beer. I think the time is right to consider this option.
I know what you're thinking. The cost of building a dome over the campus is too expensive. There is a solution for this. The sale of the naming rights would help to cover the cost. Miller Brewery has already shown an interest in getting their name onto a retractable dome. I think they would jump at the chance to do it again. If not, there's always Budweiser.
For all the Lakeland veterans out there, I would like to apologize for wasting your time right now. What I am about to say really is just one big "Duh!" but the freshmen don't know, and I really want to help them out here. Anyway, there's one little problem with the campus, well, more than one, but we'll just focus on the weather patterns. Many of our students have opinions on why the weather here is so awful. Some of them just shrug their shoulders and say, "Hey, this is Wisconsin. Don't like the weather? Wait fifteen minutes." There are those who say it's a lack of trees on campus, some of them are environmentalists, but a few Republicans think that too. (Really, they do. I'm not making this up.)
Of course, we have the conspiracy theorists, and they insist that there are giant wind fans hidden in the woods. I don't believe this, since literally dozens of people walk in the woods every year, and there have been no reports of twenty-foot tall, aluminum-framed, woodland-pattern camouflaged fans out there.
So with this understanding that Lakeland can get windy sometimes all you freshmen might think that this sucks. It doesn't. Wait until January. We'll get the same winds, but with snow and ice too.
This brings up a plan of action that was discussed by a number of students last year. It's time for Lakeland to join the elite of the elite. I am talking about a retractable dome. Besides allowing the sun to shine in good weather while protecting the campus from bad weather, the retractable dome will bring status to Lakeland, and increase the revenues of the campus. Who wouldn't want to join a college that prevents you from having to walk in waist-deep snow?
Think of the dome from an artistic standpoint. The architects would love to compete for the design of this dome. Lakeland could really impress all the other schools, which will fall behind us in such important areas such as having pretzel vendors in all the classrooms and charging $6.00 for a 12-ounce beer. I think the time is right to consider this option.
I know what you're thinking. The cost of building a dome over the campus is too expensive. There is a solution for this. The sale of the naming rights would help to cover the cost. Miller Brewery has already shown an interest in getting their name onto a retractable dome. I think they would jump at the chance to do it again. If not, there's always Budweiser.