2008 Woodie Awards
Hanging with the moose
Soviet secret weapon revealed
Jim Kolodzinksi
Issue date: 10/24/02 Section: Features
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This past Monday, Pravda (the esteemed Russian newspaper) printed a story told by a former crew member of the submarine Andromeda. It seems that in 1990 Greenpeace sent one of their ships into an area that was used for Russian nuclear testing. And of course, as all good Soviets knew back then, Greenpeace wasn't really an environmentalist organization. It was secretly under the control of the CIA, and they used it to interfere with Russian military operations.
The submarine Andromeda was assigned to follow the Greenpeace ship and make sure they didn't cause any trouble. This was a boring, tedious assignment, made more difficult by the fact that Greenpeace knew the sub was there, and they would occasionally change course and speed just to annoy the sub crew.
The sub's captain retired to his cabin for a rest, and Senior Mate Boris Durtsev took command. Durtsev was annoyed at the Greenpeace ship, and he decided to do something about it. He ordered the submarine into an attack position. The Greenpeace ship couldn't help but notice what was going on, but they dismissed it as a training excersize. Imagine their shock when they heard an odd-sounding torpedo in the water. They turned and fled toward Norway, and the Russians report that there were no more Greenpeace vessels in the area for a year. Fortunately for the safety of all the Greenpeace members on that ship, the "torpedo" was actually an electric razor, amplified with the subs hydro acoustics equipment. This story was confirmed by Joshua Handler, a member of the Greenpeace crew, who added that this information was given to the Department of the Navy as proof of a new Soviet secret weapon.
What does this have to do with anything? Well nothing really. I could give you all kinds of useless morals to this story. Don't be scared by a sheep in wolf's clothing. Don't judge a DVD by its cover. Or a book either-if you are part of the 3 percent of Americans who read when you don't have to. Don't run away like a frightened child if somebody pulls an electric razor on you. But that kind of pointless lecturing isn't really my style. Instead I'll give you this bit of wisdom. If you annoy somebody, eventually they're going to find a way to annoy you back.
Brett Favre, get well soon. And to all the Bears fans who were making fun of the Packers after Favre left the game, our second-string is still better than your first-string—Packers, 6-1; Bears, 2-4. The Bears still suck.
The submarine Andromeda was assigned to follow the Greenpeace ship and make sure they didn't cause any trouble. This was a boring, tedious assignment, made more difficult by the fact that Greenpeace knew the sub was there, and they would occasionally change course and speed just to annoy the sub crew.
The sub's captain retired to his cabin for a rest, and Senior Mate Boris Durtsev took command. Durtsev was annoyed at the Greenpeace ship, and he decided to do something about it. He ordered the submarine into an attack position. The Greenpeace ship couldn't help but notice what was going on, but they dismissed it as a training excersize. Imagine their shock when they heard an odd-sounding torpedo in the water. They turned and fled toward Norway, and the Russians report that there were no more Greenpeace vessels in the area for a year. Fortunately for the safety of all the Greenpeace members on that ship, the "torpedo" was actually an electric razor, amplified with the subs hydro acoustics equipment. This story was confirmed by Joshua Handler, a member of the Greenpeace crew, who added that this information was given to the Department of the Navy as proof of a new Soviet secret weapon.
What does this have to do with anything? Well nothing really. I could give you all kinds of useless morals to this story. Don't be scared by a sheep in wolf's clothing. Don't judge a DVD by its cover. Or a book either-if you are part of the 3 percent of Americans who read when you don't have to. Don't run away like a frightened child if somebody pulls an electric razor on you. But that kind of pointless lecturing isn't really my style. Instead I'll give you this bit of wisdom. If you annoy somebody, eventually they're going to find a way to annoy you back.
Brett Favre, get well soon. And to all the Bears fans who were making fun of the Packers after Favre left the game, our second-string is still better than your first-string—Packers, 6-1; Bears, 2-4. The Bears still suck.