2008 Woodie Awards
Let's Mosey Around:
Stomaching your garbage
Brian Moser
Issue date: 11/6/03 Section: Features
- Page 1 of 2 next >
I have a new idea that is going to blow the socks off of everyone. This inspiration came to me after eating a handi-snack pudding. I saw that there were pudding scraps lying inside the container. These scraps were taunting me, so I tried to use my spoon to get them. My spoon failed because it didn't get a college degree in scraping. Hence, I had to try another method.
After thinking for about three seconds, I tried to get the scraps with my tongue, but I found out that my tongue wasn't long enough. The scraps on the bottom began tormenting me again. This called for drastic action in which I tried eating the container. I found out that chewing plastic is only good for sharpening teeth.
This led me to an astonishing concept. Why don't we make our food waste edible? People like eating food. I know this because evolution shows that the people who didn't like to eat food usually died of starvation. Hence, people could enjoy eating their food and the garbage that comes with it.
I know all of you think that I'm crazy, but think about it. In a world where they can make edible women panties, then why can't they make food waste edible? Instead of satisfying some sexual fantasy, these scientists can try to save the world by decreasing the amount garbage.
There are many other examples of food waste that should be edible, such as paper plates. These handy gems are a cheap way of not making a mess on the counter while making a sandwich. We can convert these garbage stuffers into a little treat. Instead of throwing them away after a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, just consume the plate for dessert.
Wouldn't it also be nice to be able to eat your popcorn bag? Say you are lounging around eating you popcorn while watching an intense movie that you don't want to miss. If the bag were edible, then you could just peel off pieces of the bag until the bag is totally consumed. No garbage, no mess, and no missing out on your favorite scenes from intense movies.
After thinking for about three seconds, I tried to get the scraps with my tongue, but I found out that my tongue wasn't long enough. The scraps on the bottom began tormenting me again. This called for drastic action in which I tried eating the container. I found out that chewing plastic is only good for sharpening teeth.
This led me to an astonishing concept. Why don't we make our food waste edible? People like eating food. I know this because evolution shows that the people who didn't like to eat food usually died of starvation. Hence, people could enjoy eating their food and the garbage that comes with it.
I know all of you think that I'm crazy, but think about it. In a world where they can make edible women panties, then why can't they make food waste edible? Instead of satisfying some sexual fantasy, these scientists can try to save the world by decreasing the amount garbage.
There are many other examples of food waste that should be edible, such as paper plates. These handy gems are a cheap way of not making a mess on the counter while making a sandwich. We can convert these garbage stuffers into a little treat. Instead of throwing them away after a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, just consume the plate for dessert.
Wouldn't it also be nice to be able to eat your popcorn bag? Say you are lounging around eating you popcorn while watching an intense movie that you don't want to miss. If the bag were edible, then you could just peel off pieces of the bag until the bag is totally consumed. No garbage, no mess, and no missing out on your favorite scenes from intense movies.