2008 Woodie Awards
Do You Like the Geese on Campus?
Counter Point: Geese should stay south
Mark Karsteadt
Issue date: 11/6/03 Section: Opinions
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There is aesthetic value to a campus and then there is trying not to step in anything "soft" as I make my way around that campus. Nothing is worse than taking a stroll and stepping in goose dropping.. So I am here to put my foot down and if need be, my gun up, to rid Lakeland of it's goose population.
The geese at Lakeland serve one purpose - they are kept around to beautify the campus. They are supposed to attract people to campus with a peaceful image. Well, what about the students that are already here. I hate the geese and for three good reasons.
Since I grew up across from campus, I took walks down to the pond as a kid. My first encounter with a goose at Lakeland occurred as I was on one of those walks. That time I had to rely on my ninja-like reflexes and world-class speed to evade a goose as it chased me. (I probably should not have heckled it and thrown rocks at it, but I was a kid.) It would take only one time for a student to be attacked and injured by a goose and Lakeland would end in a major lawsuit.
My second encounter happened as I was racing to a class to do a presentation. I dislike public speaking, so I was dreading this class, but I had on the only dress clothes I owned and was ready to knock them dead. Halfway from my car to the classroom I stepped in the goose droppings. I looked down to examine my shoe, lost my balance and rubbed the bottom of my shoe on my pant leg. I got a C for on my report.
The third incident involving the stupid geese (yes, I have resorted to name calling) happened this summer as I was helping my father, the fire chief of the department that protects Lakeland, put a dry hydrant in the pond south of the football field. First off, since I had better things to do than help my dad with one of his fire department projects, I was already in a bad mood. Then I had to drag heavy chains, plywood, 2x12 boards, and crowbars from my truck to the water level hole almost 100 feet away. Not that it seems like a far distance, but the grass was like a Grand Prix course. I had to zigzag around the geese droppings. Unfortunately, I zigged a few times when I should have zagged and ended up with poop soles for my shoes. Only a tiny thing, like my respect for gun laws, prevented me from driving home and grabbing my .22 for some pre-season goose hunting.
Hopefully, Lakeland will be proactive in trying to reduce the goose population. I do not have the patience to wait for Frisbee golfers to knock them off one at a time.
The geese at Lakeland serve one purpose - they are kept around to beautify the campus. They are supposed to attract people to campus with a peaceful image. Well, what about the students that are already here. I hate the geese and for three good reasons.
Since I grew up across from campus, I took walks down to the pond as a kid. My first encounter with a goose at Lakeland occurred as I was on one of those walks. That time I had to rely on my ninja-like reflexes and world-class speed to evade a goose as it chased me. (I probably should not have heckled it and thrown rocks at it, but I was a kid.) It would take only one time for a student to be attacked and injured by a goose and Lakeland would end in a major lawsuit.
My second encounter happened as I was racing to a class to do a presentation. I dislike public speaking, so I was dreading this class, but I had on the only dress clothes I owned and was ready to knock them dead. Halfway from my car to the classroom I stepped in the goose droppings. I looked down to examine my shoe, lost my balance and rubbed the bottom of my shoe on my pant leg. I got a C for on my report.
The third incident involving the stupid geese (yes, I have resorted to name calling) happened this summer as I was helping my father, the fire chief of the department that protects Lakeland, put a dry hydrant in the pond south of the football field. First off, since I had better things to do than help my dad with one of his fire department projects, I was already in a bad mood. Then I had to drag heavy chains, plywood, 2x12 boards, and crowbars from my truck to the water level hole almost 100 feet away. Not that it seems like a far distance, but the grass was like a Grand Prix course. I had to zigzag around the geese droppings. Unfortunately, I zigged a few times when I should have zagged and ended up with poop soles for my shoes. Only a tiny thing, like my respect for gun laws, prevented me from driving home and grabbing my .22 for some pre-season goose hunting.
Hopefully, Lakeland will be proactive in trying to reduce the goose population. I do not have the patience to wait for Frisbee golfers to knock them off one at a time.