2008 Woodie Awards
Bad Apples
Oh the stupid people we idolize
Corey Kempf
Issue date: 2/5/04 Section: Fun House
- Page 1 of 1
A lot has happened over the past few months since our last issue came out. Oddly enough, most of these events are, in some way or another, very vulnerable to my version of humor.
First off, we captured Saddam Hussein, which was quite monumental in the United States' war on terrorism. George W. Bush, when asked about how this would affect his 2004 presidential campaign, said this about the capture: "Oh, thank God."
And where did they find him? In a hole. A hole...in the Middle East, go figure. However, I have to hand it to the men that found him; it's not as if those things have addresses, right?
A week later there was Christmas, of course, and what a Christmas it was this year. I got a bar of soap, and, I must say, life's been treating me much better now that I've been bathing.
Speaking of needing to bathe, Steve Irwin was in the news again. If you've been picking bugs out of Saddam's hair like a chimpanzee for the last few years and don't know who this little hellion is, Steve Irwin is the Crocodile Hunter and makes a living being the poster boy for wildlife first aid. Throwing that aside, the Croc Man decided to bring his month old child into a crocodile pit, and really, what can I say here that hasn't, in this situation, already been said about Michael Jackson? But seriously now, I was shocked, appalled even, at the thought of this man sleeping with someone. Oh, crikey.
Then there's Michael himself, who is back in the news for that same old reason again. This is his second time being charged for child molestation or something like that, and the one thing I've discovered from him is the real reason they call him the "King of Pop."
Some new things have developed from the incidents, specifically the one where a close, psychic friend of Jackson has come to his defense, claiming Jackson told him, under hypnosis, that he had never touched a child before. Yes, that's the way to go, and I know that if I ever need defense for this magnitude of a crime, I want to get a man in one of the world's most questionable professions to help me out.
And finally, we come to "Ahnold." This week, the Terminator's personal loans, which he used ($4.5 million worth) during his campaign for governor, were ruled illegal. This may mean that he will have to use his own cash to pay back the loans. Oh, "Ahnold." "Run you've got to get out of here."
That's it for this time--and I didn't even get to Britney Spears, but all that really needs to be said is that she does a better job being a tad slow than singing. Remember, keep your mind on your school work, and I'll keep mine on our silly celebrities. So, until next time, "Hasta la vista, baby."
First off, we captured Saddam Hussein, which was quite monumental in the United States' war on terrorism. George W. Bush, when asked about how this would affect his 2004 presidential campaign, said this about the capture: "Oh, thank God."
And where did they find him? In a hole. A hole...in the Middle East, go figure. However, I have to hand it to the men that found him; it's not as if those things have addresses, right?
A week later there was Christmas, of course, and what a Christmas it was this year. I got a bar of soap, and, I must say, life's been treating me much better now that I've been bathing.
Speaking of needing to bathe, Steve Irwin was in the news again. If you've been picking bugs out of Saddam's hair like a chimpanzee for the last few years and don't know who this little hellion is, Steve Irwin is the Crocodile Hunter and makes a living being the poster boy for wildlife first aid. Throwing that aside, the Croc Man decided to bring his month old child into a crocodile pit, and really, what can I say here that hasn't, in this situation, already been said about Michael Jackson? But seriously now, I was shocked, appalled even, at the thought of this man sleeping with someone. Oh, crikey.
Then there's Michael himself, who is back in the news for that same old reason again. This is his second time being charged for child molestation or something like that, and the one thing I've discovered from him is the real reason they call him the "King of Pop."
Some new things have developed from the incidents, specifically the one where a close, psychic friend of Jackson has come to his defense, claiming Jackson told him, under hypnosis, that he had never touched a child before. Yes, that's the way to go, and I know that if I ever need defense for this magnitude of a crime, I want to get a man in one of the world's most questionable professions to help me out.
And finally, we come to "Ahnold." This week, the Terminator's personal loans, which he used ($4.5 million worth) during his campaign for governor, were ruled illegal. This may mean that he will have to use his own cash to pay back the loans. Oh, "Ahnold." "Run you've got to get out of here."
That's it for this time--and I didn't even get to Britney Spears, but all that really needs to be said is that she does a better job being a tad slow than singing. Remember, keep your mind on your school work, and I'll keep mine on our silly celebrities. So, until next time, "Hasta la vista, baby."