2008 Woodie Awards
Goose Force One
The Reconnaisance Mission
Staci Abrahamson
Issue date: 2/5/04 Section: Fun House
- Page 1 of 1
One goose, with one said-to-be-broken wing, has been seen on our campus. While most students just assume that the goose is here because of a "broken wing," I know better. That goose is on a mission, which he chose to accept, to observe students and debrief the head goose, "Mother." Carefully keeping us under tight surveillance, he'll take notes until next autumn rolls around and he and "Mother" can gather the masses to outflank us, and then do something so dastardly, so evil, that even I cannot fathom what this most malicious of plans may contain. When asked to either deny or confirm these speculations, the goose in question only replied, "Honk." This must be encrypted code, but unfortunately, I am not able to decipher it. Maybe we could create a special task force to keep the nefarious creature at bay.
While following a tip from a reliable source who shall remain nameless (thanks for the help Jess), I observed the goose one evening. Tracking his every move, I discovered his (bum, bum, bum) Secret Lair. There was tracking equipment that included the latest in global positioning technology, maps of the school, radio equipment that NASA would be envious of, and a daily log of what had transpired that day. This goose means business. Perhaps the most threatening and intimidating piece of evidence was a list of known accomplices who have aided and embedded him; however, I was unable to retrieve the list as the goose descended upon me and chased me back to Krueger.
There has to be more to the story though. Why do these geese have something against the students and faculty of Lakeland College? I did some research in a set of old records. It turns out that, at one time, the geese and students had a harmonious bond, we didn't bother them, and they didn't bother us. When the disc golf course was built, the ties that bind were severed with the sharp edge of an Innova golf disc. It was an unspeakable tragedy to the goose world, and they seek vengeance. Oh, the many things those geese could do.
Speculated theories of the goose plans are highly demented. Maybe they will tear down the golf course and do as the geese do best, you know, honk for victory. They could attack with ground forces or use air support. That raises an interesting point as to why they fly in a "V" shape, maybe it stands for victory. Only time will tell. The next move is up to the Gaggle Gang; let us only hope that they don't checkmate us.
While following a tip from a reliable source who shall remain nameless (thanks for the help Jess), I observed the goose one evening. Tracking his every move, I discovered his (bum, bum, bum) Secret Lair. There was tracking equipment that included the latest in global positioning technology, maps of the school, radio equipment that NASA would be envious of, and a daily log of what had transpired that day. This goose means business. Perhaps the most threatening and intimidating piece of evidence was a list of known accomplices who have aided and embedded him; however, I was unable to retrieve the list as the goose descended upon me and chased me back to Krueger.
There has to be more to the story though. Why do these geese have something against the students and faculty of Lakeland College? I did some research in a set of old records. It turns out that, at one time, the geese and students had a harmonious bond, we didn't bother them, and they didn't bother us. When the disc golf course was built, the ties that bind were severed with the sharp edge of an Innova golf disc. It was an unspeakable tragedy to the goose world, and they seek vengeance. Oh, the many things those geese could do.
Speculated theories of the goose plans are highly demented. Maybe they will tear down the golf course and do as the geese do best, you know, honk for victory. They could attack with ground forces or use air support. That raises an interesting point as to why they fly in a "V" shape, maybe it stands for victory. Only time will tell. The next move is up to the Gaggle Gang; let us only hope that they don't checkmate us.