2008 Woodie Awards
One Minute Movie
Matt Shenk
Issue date: 2/5/04 Section: Fun House
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There are a lot of movies out there, and some of them are pretty long. Who has the time to sit through them all? Well, that's where One-Minute Movies comes in! I take movies of all sorts (new and old, good and starring Mandy Moore); then I cut out all the filler (and, believe me, sometimes there can be quite a lot of it), leaving just the essential stuff.
One-Minute Movies lets you experience the entire however-long movie, in just a minute OR LESS! It also saves you from sitting through atrociously awful ones.
So, heat up some popcorn, sit back, and enjoy the show!
"The Matrix Reloaded" (2003)
The New Cast Members: "Hi. We're--"
The Wachowski Brothers: "Enough boring plot development! Get to the bullet-time and the wire-fu!"
There's a BIG FIGHT, and it's in SLOW-MO so it must be COOL. Then there's another BIG FIGHT, and it's in SLOW-MO so it must be COOL. Then there's a CAR CHASE, and it's in SLOW-MO so it must be COOL.
The Architect: "I know how to use a thesaurus, so I must be cool, too." (THE END)
"Drumline" (2002)
To the tune of The Little Drummer Boy: "This movie has no plot to bring, pa rum pum pum pum!" (THE END)
"Dawn of the Dead" (1979)
Mindless zombies enter a suburban shopping mall. They amble from shop to shop aimlessly, not really hunting for food; something from their past lives just tells them that they want to be in here.
The Living Dead: "Hi. We're a metaphor for the mindlessness of consumers in 1970s America."
Mall Clerk: "Uh huh. That's nice. Buy something or get out." (THE END)
"Battlefield Earth" (2000) *may contain spoilers*
John Travolta: "Stupid Human, I'm going to enslave you and
your planet, and then force you to mine gold for me!"
John Travolta: "Stupid Human, I'm going to use my superior technology to increase your brain size, so you can organize a revolt against me - uh, I mean, increasing your brain size will make you more efficient at mining gold for me!"
John Travolta: "Stupid Human, I'm going to teach you how to
pilot a fighter jet so you can blow me up - uh, I mean, teaching you to fly a jet will make you more efficient at mining gold for me!" (THE END)
"Oedipus Rex"
Somebody marries his own Mother, and then a fight breaks out. (THE END)
"Jerry Springer: Ringmaster" (1999)
Somebody marries his own Mother, and then a fight breaks out. (THE END)
One-Minute Movies lets you experience the entire however-long movie, in just a minute OR LESS! It also saves you from sitting through atrociously awful ones.
So, heat up some popcorn, sit back, and enjoy the show!
"The Matrix Reloaded" (2003)
The New Cast Members: "Hi. We're--"
The Wachowski Brothers: "Enough boring plot development! Get to the bullet-time and the wire-fu!"
There's a BIG FIGHT, and it's in SLOW-MO so it must be COOL. Then there's another BIG FIGHT, and it's in SLOW-MO so it must be COOL. Then there's a CAR CHASE, and it's in SLOW-MO so it must be COOL.
The Architect: "I know how to use a thesaurus, so I must be cool, too." (THE END)
"Drumline" (2002)
To the tune of The Little Drummer Boy: "This movie has no plot to bring, pa rum pum pum pum!" (THE END)
"Dawn of the Dead" (1979)
Mindless zombies enter a suburban shopping mall. They amble from shop to shop aimlessly, not really hunting for food; something from their past lives just tells them that they want to be in here.
The Living Dead: "Hi. We're a metaphor for the mindlessness of consumers in 1970s America."
Mall Clerk: "Uh huh. That's nice. Buy something or get out." (THE END)
"Battlefield Earth" (2000) *may contain spoilers*
John Travolta: "Stupid Human, I'm going to enslave you and
your planet, and then force you to mine gold for me!"
John Travolta: "Stupid Human, I'm going to use my superior technology to increase your brain size, so you can organize a revolt against me - uh, I mean, increasing your brain size will make you more efficient at mining gold for me!"
John Travolta: "Stupid Human, I'm going to teach you how to
pilot a fighter jet so you can blow me up - uh, I mean, teaching you to fly a jet will make you more efficient at mining gold for me!" (THE END)
"Oedipus Rex"
Somebody marries his own Mother, and then a fight breaks out. (THE END)
"Jerry Springer: Ringmaster" (1999)
Somebody marries his own Mother, and then a fight breaks out. (THE END)