2008 Woodie Awards
One Minute Movie
Matt Schenk
Issue date: 3/4/04 Section: Fun House
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There are a lot of movies out there, and some of them are pretty long. Who has the time to sit through them all? Well, that's where One-Minute Movies comes in! I take movies of all sorts (new and old, good and The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen); then I cut out all the filler, leaving just the essential stuff, and, believe me, sometimes there can be quite a lot of it.
One-Minute Movies lets you experience the entire however-long movie in just a minute OR LESS! It also saves you from sitting through atrociously awful ones.
So, heat up some popcorn, sit back, and enjoy the show!
"Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl" (2003)
Orlando Bloom: "Hi. I'm only in this movie to strike pretty poses for the camera."
Johnny Depp: "High-sea dead people!" (The End)
"Titanic" (1997)
Kate Winslet: "Icy dead people!" (The End)
"Signs" (2003)
This movie is so full of crop! (The End)
"The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers" (2002)
Big, brutal Orc battle: Repeat
Treebeard: "Run, Forest, run!" (The End)
"The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King" (2003)
Rudy: "Everybody stop telling me I'm too small to save Middle Earth!"
Once again, he proves them all wrong, and it is once again heartwarming.
Then Gollum gets the finger. (The End)
"Fight Club" (1999)
Beat Joe Black (The End)
"Steel Magnolias" (1989)
Perms of Endearment (The End)
"American Pie" (1999)
The Passion of the Crust (The End)
"28 Days Later" (2002)
Escaped virus turns people into rampant soccer hooligans (The End)
"Adaptation" (2002)
The Write's Tough. (The End)
"Star Wars, Episode 2: Attack of the Clones" (2002)
Anakin: "I don't like sand. It's so...sandy. But you...you are not sandy. That is why I like you."
Padme: "Oh, Anakin."
Anakin: "Oh, Padme."
Padme: "Oh, Anakin."
Anakin: "Oh, Padme."
Padme: "Oh, Anakin."
The Audience: "Oh, give us a break." (Gets up and walks out.) (The End)
"Jurassic Park" (1993)
Visitors feed the animals. (The End)
"American Beauty" (1999)
Kevin Spacey: "This is my neighborhood. This is my street. This...is my life. I'm forty-two years old. In less than a year, I'll be dead."
One-Minute Movies: "Kevin, want a job?" (The End)
One-Minute Movies lets you experience the entire however-long movie in just a minute OR LESS! It also saves you from sitting through atrociously awful ones.
So, heat up some popcorn, sit back, and enjoy the show!
"Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl" (2003)
Orlando Bloom: "Hi. I'm only in this movie to strike pretty poses for the camera."
Johnny Depp: "High-sea dead people!" (The End)
"Titanic" (1997)
Kate Winslet: "Icy dead people!" (The End)
"Signs" (2003)
This movie is so full of crop! (The End)
"The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers" (2002)
Big, brutal Orc battle: Repeat
Treebeard: "Run, Forest, run!" (The End)
"The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King" (2003)
Rudy: "Everybody stop telling me I'm too small to save Middle Earth!"
Once again, he proves them all wrong, and it is once again heartwarming.
Then Gollum gets the finger. (The End)
"Fight Club" (1999)
Beat Joe Black (The End)
"Steel Magnolias" (1989)
Perms of Endearment (The End)
"American Pie" (1999)
The Passion of the Crust (The End)
"28 Days Later" (2002)
Escaped virus turns people into rampant soccer hooligans (The End)
"Adaptation" (2002)
The Write's Tough. (The End)
"Star Wars, Episode 2: Attack of the Clones" (2002)
Anakin: "I don't like sand. It's so...sandy. But you...you are not sandy. That is why I like you."
Padme: "Oh, Anakin."
Anakin: "Oh, Padme."
Padme: "Oh, Anakin."
Anakin: "Oh, Padme."
Padme: "Oh, Anakin."
The Audience: "Oh, give us a break." (Gets up and walks out.) (The End)
"Jurassic Park" (1993)
Visitors feed the animals. (The End)
"American Beauty" (1999)
Kevin Spacey: "This is my neighborhood. This is my street. This...is my life. I'm forty-two years old. In less than a year, I'll be dead."
One-Minute Movies: "Kevin, want a job?" (The End)