2008 Woodie Awards
Unnecessary Roughness
Becoming a hermit might be a good idea at this point
Corey Kempf
Issue date: 3/4/04 Section: Sports
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Just when you thought it was safe to go outside, you might as well have someone waiting on the other side of your front door to knock you unconscious and throw you back in.
Why? Well let's recap: almost everyone in Major League Baseball is finding interesting ways to spend their millions of dollars, the most insane person in baseball has died, Paris Hilton's in the news again because she can't keep her mouth or legs closed, Dickie V's going on about how this year's NCAA Tournament is more unpredictable than the University of Colorado football team's libidos, and, yes, I think the RIAA just sued me.
But how does one sort through all this mess? Well, it's sad that Marge Schott (hopefully no relation to our advisor Martha) died because it's that way when anyone passes away, but I'm sure it will be much nicer around the Cincinnati Reds' front office not having a neo-Nazi presence walking around.
Then there's the other story in baseball: steroids. Yeah, yeah, I know I hit on it last issue, but I can't sum that up in less than 500 words, especially with the events of Tuesday, when federal investigators accused Barry Bonds, Jason Giambi, and Gary Sheffield of receiving and using steroids.
And to think, it took federal investigators to figure this out? Have you looked at pictures of these guys when they came into the league? People wonder how it took Bonds 16 years to hit 73 home runs in a season; I say, "Look at the man, he's a freak of artificial nature."
Even if you look at pictures of Giambi while he was still with the Oakland A's and compare them with pictures of him now, his facial features have changed dramatically. These changes have been cited in steroid cases in the past and have been known to be a telltale sign of juicing.
The killer part is the fact that retired NFL linebacker Bill Romanowski was also accused of receiving and using steroids. Get outta here! The guy had the best years of his career during the latter parts of his career and was in the best shape of his career nearing the age of 40, and they're telling me he used steroids? No way!
Why? Well let's recap: almost everyone in Major League Baseball is finding interesting ways to spend their millions of dollars, the most insane person in baseball has died, Paris Hilton's in the news again because she can't keep her mouth or legs closed, Dickie V's going on about how this year's NCAA Tournament is more unpredictable than the University of Colorado football team's libidos, and, yes, I think the RIAA just sued me.
But how does one sort through all this mess? Well, it's sad that Marge Schott (hopefully no relation to our advisor Martha) died because it's that way when anyone passes away, but I'm sure it will be much nicer around the Cincinnati Reds' front office not having a neo-Nazi presence walking around.
Then there's the other story in baseball: steroids. Yeah, yeah, I know I hit on it last issue, but I can't sum that up in less than 500 words, especially with the events of Tuesday, when federal investigators accused Barry Bonds, Jason Giambi, and Gary Sheffield of receiving and using steroids.
And to think, it took federal investigators to figure this out? Have you looked at pictures of these guys when they came into the league? People wonder how it took Bonds 16 years to hit 73 home runs in a season; I say, "Look at the man, he's a freak of artificial nature."
Even if you look at pictures of Giambi while he was still with the Oakland A's and compare them with pictures of him now, his facial features have changed dramatically. These changes have been cited in steroid cases in the past and have been known to be a telltale sign of juicing.
The killer part is the fact that retired NFL linebacker Bill Romanowski was also accused of receiving and using steroids. Get outta here! The guy had the best years of his career during the latter parts of his career and was in the best shape of his career nearing the age of 40, and they're telling me he used steroids? No way!