Lakeland Mirror

Issue date: 11/2/06 Section: Fun House

North Korea has nuclear bombs. Russia has nuclear bombs. We have bigger and better nuclear bombs. Everyone has bombs! Let's just get together and have one big blow out.

Imagine everyone you dislike, hate, or even loath no longer being on the planet anymore. Imagine no pollution, no crime, no nothing, just little cockroaches scurrying around embracing their own planet.

Yes that's right their own planet! They would, after all, be the only ones that would be able to survive after we all blow each other to smithereens.

It is scientifically proven that cockroaches could probably survive a nuclear explosion.

Think that all this is too far off? Think again. The logical consequence of the preparation for nuclear war is, ironically, nuclear war. But why all this talk about nuclear war?

North Korea, as you might not know is now run by Kim Jong Il. Now, as nice as this guy may seem in pictures, he is not to be taken seriously-oh, I mean, not to be underestimated.

Some see Kim Jong Il as a communist dictator, a despot that rules with intimidation and terror. He 'supposedly' tortures and imprisons those who oppose him and walks over the civil rights of the citizens of North Korea. Really, he's just a man who has realized his dream. North Korea wanted to become a nuclear power, and Kim Jong Il made it happen.

Congratulations, North Korea, on becoming part of the club. You are now on the same suicidal nuclear bomb loving team as the United States, Great Britain, France, the Soviet Union, China, Israel, and Brazil. (Iran, you got to catch up.)

Think about it, nuclear war is almost inevitable. So what can you do? My advice is: embrace it! Nuclear bombs can't be that bad, can they?

Maybe I should build one of those underground bomb shelters. I could use all my muskie money to buy provisions. There'd be room for about five or six others. Anyone interested? Any hot football players are totally welcome.

All this can happen when everyone's nuclear bombs go off. How great would it be? No more worries, no more tests, no more annoying professors, no more studying, no more school!

Humans were not the first things on the planet, and they will not be the last. So go on, buy bigger bombs to protect yourself from other big bombs. The roaches will have the last laugh.

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