2008 Woodie Awards
A very wet hot Christmas
Issue date: 12/7/06 Section: Fun House
(U-WIRE) ANN ARBOR, Mich. -- The Thanksgiving turkey had barely been picked clean off the serving tray when my aunt turned to my brother and I and asked us the inevitable question: "So what do you boys want for Christmas?"
That was it. Thanksgiving was over, mugged of its reverence and cast aside for the prima donna of all holidays -- Christmas.
No matter what religion one subscribes to, the rampant commercialism of the holiday season is inescapable. It is the zenith of our American capitalist system, the Super Bowl for retailers across the country. After all, when you are swiping your credit card for Jesus, you don't shy away from making purchases.
My brother, a socially savvy high school student, expressed his need to shop at Urban Outfitters for his girlfriend. Ah, Urban -- a favorite for high school and college students alike. Selling pseudo-ironic T-shirts, velvety Jesus statuettes and Chubby Checker coffee table books, Urban Outfitters is an amazing place where students can not only buy the perfect dorm room adornment but also purchase a defining sense of character. A mediocre person who buys that oh-so-clever screen-printed T-shirt suddenly becomes a part of a youth culture, while simultaneously showing off his sense of humor and strong personality. "My name is Tom, but it says 'Earl' on my blue-collar shirt -- how crazy is that?"
By buying useless pieces of kitsch and subversive articles of clothing, the sentiment is that one is undermining mass consumerism. Normal people don't spend good money on Cat Lady action figures.
I don't mean to only single out patrons of Urban Outfitters, though. These observations apply to all people who take their material possessions as signifiers of their superiority -- but especially to the kids who gag at brands like Nike and Adidas but froth at the mouth over a pair of high-top sneakers. "Because I bought my retro suit jacket and hooded sweatshirt at a vintage store, I am obviously more intelligent, politically aware and just generally cooler than you."
That was it. Thanksgiving was over, mugged of its reverence and cast aside for the prima donna of all holidays -- Christmas.
No matter what religion one subscribes to, the rampant commercialism of the holiday season is inescapable. It is the zenith of our American capitalist system, the Super Bowl for retailers across the country. After all, when you are swiping your credit card for Jesus, you don't shy away from making purchases.
My brother, a socially savvy high school student, expressed his need to shop at Urban Outfitters for his girlfriend. Ah, Urban -- a favorite for high school and college students alike. Selling pseudo-ironic T-shirts, velvety Jesus statuettes and Chubby Checker coffee table books, Urban Outfitters is an amazing place where students can not only buy the perfect dorm room adornment but also purchase a defining sense of character. A mediocre person who buys that oh-so-clever screen-printed T-shirt suddenly becomes a part of a youth culture, while simultaneously showing off his sense of humor and strong personality. "My name is Tom, but it says 'Earl' on my blue-collar shirt -- how crazy is that?"
By buying useless pieces of kitsch and subversive articles of clothing, the sentiment is that one is undermining mass consumerism. Normal people don't spend good money on Cat Lady action figures.
I don't mean to only single out patrons of Urban Outfitters, though. These observations apply to all people who take their material possessions as signifiers of their superiority -- but especially to the kids who gag at brands like Nike and Adidas but froth at the mouth over a pair of high-top sneakers. "Because I bought my retro suit jacket and hooded sweatshirt at a vintage store, I am obviously more intelligent, politically aware and just generally cooler than you."
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