Lakeland Mirror

Issue date: 2/15/07 Section: Sports

Media Credit: Corey Kempf This is Aurora University's Spartan Mascot who appears to have a neckbrace.

A few weeks ago, I made the trip to Aurora, Ill. for the men's basketball game against the Spartans. The result of the game is inconsequential to this article, but what was important was the sight I witnessed shortly after tip-off.

What entered the gym was a bit frightening, a bit confusing, but, above all, a bit humorous. The being was Aurora's mascot, and from the neck down it was. From the neck up, however, it was something else, something indescribable.

Like encountering Bigfoot while going Number Two on a hiking trip, I was camera-less and completely unprepared for this event.

Luckily, my trusty sports information sidekick Travis had one on his phone, and we snapped a shot of the beast.

One quick quip of "Is that a turtleneck or a neck brace?" from boss Beth Porter turned us into cackling idiots and made me eager to Facebook that picture immediately upon return to Lakeland.

Later in the game, the mascot decided to clumsily display some tumbling moves, which led to this exchange:

Beth: Did you see the mascot do that cartwheel?
Me: Maybe that's how it broke its neck.

However, something was brought to my attention that ruined the mood. Someone mentioned Lakeland's "alligator-looking thing."

I, needless to say, was appalled. Ok, so I'll admit, Musko does look a little strange; he's a fish with legs after all. Not to mention, I'm pretty sure Musko spent some time as the biggest Munchkin in Oz judging by the yellow clogs. But he's the most ripped mascot this side of East Lansing, Michigan; not even the great Bucky Badger can compare in that department. And at least Musko isn't bandaged.

Even so, maybe it is really time for a Musko upgrade. Actually, I have a much better suggestion.

I've always been a huge fan of live mascots. Colorado's Ralphie IV, Georgia's Uga VI and Texas' Bevo have continuously made me envious of live mascots.

Yes, I am aware that we cannot carry a live muskellunge onto the football field for every home game. We'd be on Elsie IV (that's LC sounded out, and I'm working on a trademark) by Homecoming. But hear me out on this one.

I'm not talking about a replacement of Musko, just merely a compliment in the form of a fishtank in the Wehr Center with Elsie inside of it. Think about it. How cool would it be to walk in for a basketball game and see a giant fishtank in the lobby of the Wehr Center? In fact, let's get a Phone-A-Thon going for this right away. There must be one or two alumni who would appreciate this idea.

Also, open up some student work positions; we're going to need caretakers. This would be the most pampered fish since Flipper.

I'm looking for supporters of this idea. We need to do this to save our dignity against the people who look at Musko and wonder what it is. Let Elsie serve as a reminder of who they are playing. We are hereby declaring ourselves Muskies, not "alligator things."

Besides, this would be exponentially less creepy than the dead one that has hung above the Muskie Mart grill for years.

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