2008 Woodie Awards
Catch up to the season
Brian Moser
Issue date: 4/12/07 Section: Fun House
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If you haven't noticed, the weather is fantastic if it were January. Even if it were early March, I would accept the cold and the mammoth sized snowflakes. But it's April.
There have been baseball games cancelled because of snow. Snow! You might expect that from Canada, but in the United States? Whoops, Montreal doesn't have a team anymore, so you can't even see that happen in Canada.
This can only lead to one conclusion, the seasons are changing. In fact, I bet they have advanced by one month.
To fight these changes, we must do something drastic unless we want it to snow in June. The course of action I suggest is simple enough that everyone can understand: just repeat a month.
For example, if we had another April after this April, then we can fix this problem. Technically, the first April would be considered March, which would mean the May weather would be in the new April, so the new May weather would be June's weather and so forth.
The only problem with this tactic is finding the correct month to repeat. I know most children want to repeat December, but I don't think the parent's pocketbooks could handle two Christmases in one year.
January would be an interesting month to repeat, but bringing on the New Year twice in a row would cause a thirty-one day year. Say January 2008 is repeated. The repeat would actually be January 2009. Therefore, we would lose eleven months.
As a reference to earlier in the article, April would not work out because of Easter. As much as people love candy, I think the dentists will cry out against this month coming around twice in a row.
We need to leave November out of the equation because of upcoming elections. If we repeat November 2008, then we would have to vote for president twice in thirty days. I've heard of recounts before but this would be completely ridiculous.
May would be cool to repeat, but the teachers at Lakeland might not like having to do back to back May Term classes. I know teaching is fun, but those hard working people need vacation time, too.
There have been baseball games cancelled because of snow. Snow! You might expect that from Canada, but in the United States? Whoops, Montreal doesn't have a team anymore, so you can't even see that happen in Canada.
This can only lead to one conclusion, the seasons are changing. In fact, I bet they have advanced by one month.
To fight these changes, we must do something drastic unless we want it to snow in June. The course of action I suggest is simple enough that everyone can understand: just repeat a month.
For example, if we had another April after this April, then we can fix this problem. Technically, the first April would be considered March, which would mean the May weather would be in the new April, so the new May weather would be June's weather and so forth.
The only problem with this tactic is finding the correct month to repeat. I know most children want to repeat December, but I don't think the parent's pocketbooks could handle two Christmases in one year.
January would be an interesting month to repeat, but bringing on the New Year twice in a row would cause a thirty-one day year. Say January 2008 is repeated. The repeat would actually be January 2009. Therefore, we would lose eleven months.
As a reference to earlier in the article, April would not work out because of Easter. As much as people love candy, I think the dentists will cry out against this month coming around twice in a row.
We need to leave November out of the equation because of upcoming elections. If we repeat November 2008, then we would have to vote for president twice in thirty days. I've heard of recounts before but this would be completely ridiculous.
May would be cool to repeat, but the teachers at Lakeland might not like having to do back to back May Term classes. I know teaching is fun, but those hard working people need vacation time, too.
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