2008 Woodie Awards
Study tips for finals
If these tips don't help your study habits...you're doomed
John Sieglaff
Issue date: 4/12/07 Section: Fun House
- Page 1 of 1
The time that is soon to be upon us is quite possibly the hardest portion of our lives. That's right-finals. Now, it's not just finals we need to worry about, it's everything leading up to the final exams. These are tough times, so I've taken it upon myself to help us all through the dark remains of the school year with a few tips.
First off, I have three strong words for you. Study, study, study! I guess that's not really three words, it's just the same word written three times. But there's no time for semantics in this hectic time.
Trust me, I know studying can be hard. I hate it. To be quite honest, I don't feel like it should be necessary if you are truly learning in a class. But, I digress.
Anyway, as I was saying, studying can be complete drudgery. What I like to do to remedy that is make a game out of it. Not a game like Monopoly or Life or anything like that. That idea is silly. And I think the Parker Brothers might be ready with a lawsuit if you tried anything like that.
But seriously, making a game out of studying can be a great tool for memorizing all those useless facts you don't really need to know. Of course, if you end up making a drinking game out of studying, you might not end up remembering any of those useless facts. So, you got that? Make a game out of it, but not a drinking game.
In fact, while we're on the topic, drinking is not a game at all. It's called a leisure activity, and if you do it at all (which you shouldn't if you are not of age), be cautious of your actions. Especially if those actions are going to your final exam loaded as a leprechaun on St. Patty's Day. Unless it just so happens to be St. Patty's Day and you are, indeed, a leprechaun. Then you can drink until you collapse in a puddle of your own magical vomit.
My second word of advice is for when you are taking the actual tests. These are nerve-racking moments. You know the ones I speak of. The moments when you're sitting there, staring at your multiple choice exam and reading the question over four times before you finally begin to tear up and think it will never end.
Some people say, "When in doubt, always choose C." I disagree. C is a great option; don't get me wrong. But if you turn in an exam with every answer filled in with C, your professor is going to take one look at this and fail you on general principle.
I like to go with the word-spelling game. I say down with C. Try to make words out of your multiple choice. There are endless possibilities: "B-A-D," "D-A-B," umm, "C-A-B," I don't know. I'm sure there's more, but that's all I can really think of right now. Have fun with it! It will make that horrible time fly by. I promise.
Anyhow, I hope this helped you out a bit, although, I doubt it did. Actually, I'm quite certain that if you've read up to this point you're almost certain to fail out of college. You are now dumber for having read this. I'm deeply sorry for the inconvenience. Good luck, and may the force be with you.
First off, I have three strong words for you. Study, study, study! I guess that's not really three words, it's just the same word written three times. But there's no time for semantics in this hectic time.
Trust me, I know studying can be hard. I hate it. To be quite honest, I don't feel like it should be necessary if you are truly learning in a class. But, I digress.
Anyway, as I was saying, studying can be complete drudgery. What I like to do to remedy that is make a game out of it. Not a game like Monopoly or Life or anything like that. That idea is silly. And I think the Parker Brothers might be ready with a lawsuit if you tried anything like that.
But seriously, making a game out of studying can be a great tool for memorizing all those useless facts you don't really need to know. Of course, if you end up making a drinking game out of studying, you might not end up remembering any of those useless facts. So, you got that? Make a game out of it, but not a drinking game.
In fact, while we're on the topic, drinking is not a game at all. It's called a leisure activity, and if you do it at all (which you shouldn't if you are not of age), be cautious of your actions. Especially if those actions are going to your final exam loaded as a leprechaun on St. Patty's Day. Unless it just so happens to be St. Patty's Day and you are, indeed, a leprechaun. Then you can drink until you collapse in a puddle of your own magical vomit.
My second word of advice is for when you are taking the actual tests. These are nerve-racking moments. You know the ones I speak of. The moments when you're sitting there, staring at your multiple choice exam and reading the question over four times before you finally begin to tear up and think it will never end.
Some people say, "When in doubt, always choose C." I disagree. C is a great option; don't get me wrong. But if you turn in an exam with every answer filled in with C, your professor is going to take one look at this and fail you on general principle.
I like to go with the word-spelling game. I say down with C. Try to make words out of your multiple choice. There are endless possibilities: "B-A-D," "D-A-B," umm, "C-A-B," I don't know. I'm sure there's more, but that's all I can really think of right now. Have fun with it! It will make that horrible time fly by. I promise.
Anyhow, I hope this helped you out a bit, although, I doubt it did. Actually, I'm quite certain that if you've read up to this point you're almost certain to fail out of college. You are now dumber for having read this. I'm deeply sorry for the inconvenience. Good luck, and may the force be with you.
Be the first to comment on this story